Zub Tales

Brief update:

Christmas went well. Good time, good food and good cheer with the family. It’s the kind of thing where being traditional and predictable is not a bad thing at all.

I’m finding it hard to get back into work mode. Those few days between Christmas and New Year’s Eve always tend to be a weird relaxing limbo whether you intend for them to be or not. Mostly vegging out, having some quiet thinking time and puttering around the apartment doing domestic stuff I’ve avoided.

I haven’t been in touch with many people since before Christmas – My apologies for that. In any case, this little post is a slightly late but no less heartfelt:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Here’s hoping 2005 is even more prosperous and exciting than 2004.

Last night I reread my print version of Same Difference that I got from San Diego Comicon. I think it’s one of the best “slice of life” stories ever done. Derek Kirk makes me simoultaneously ecstatic and jealous of his work… I love this story, the artwork and the dialogue.

Read it. If you have already read it, re-read it. 🙂

I feel like things are quieting down as the holidays get ever closer. Although there’s still a lot to do, it’s all going to get done and leave some time to breath, for a change. I think the fact that classes at Seneca are wrapping up adds to the calmness as well, which is nice.

I drove to Electronics Boutique and went on a bit of a used video game buying spree. Finally buying games I’ve wanted for way cheaper now that I actually have a bit of time to play some of them. Currently tapped into Disgaea, Dark Alliance II and Onimusha 2. It’s a nice way to veg out inbetween art projects or marking assignments.

A few people have requested that I upload more artwork, showing off some of the stuff I’m working on. In many cases I can’t until the pictures are published, let alone the fact that I don’t want it to come off like an ego-stroking exercise. Paizo’s okay with me posting artwork anytime, so I’ll try to put up some of the better Dungeon Magazine pics that I work on from time to time here in my Livejournal.

Here’s four pictures I painted over the pencils of a gent named Chad Dulac. The art director at Paizo asked if we’d be up for coloring line art of non-Udon artists and I said I’d give it a go. We’ve collaborated on two articles so far for Dungeon and I’m pretty pleased with the results so far. From the feedback I got, Chad was really happy with how they turned out too and wants to team up with me again for other projects, which is pretty cool.

Line Art by Chad Dulac, Painting by Zub

Waking up to a real Canadian December.
Panaramic view I composited from 3 digital photos taken this morning.

I threw my back out on Saturday morning. I walked around the Bayview Shopping Mall after having brunch with friends and a dull hurt flared into full-blown agony, leaving me mostly helpless for the rest of the weekend. This morning it’s a quiet little throbbing rather than a full on tortured pain. In the end, it’s my own fault. Stress and a lack of looking after myself coupled with a lack of doctor/chiropractic visits for a couple years played out its revenge upon me. I couldn’t have made it through Saturday without Gal’s help. She was very patient and understanding, especially since she’s been warning me that this was going to happen for some time now with the way I was buzzing along.

Sunday was weird. I had art deadlines for this morning and knew I had to get things done even if my spine was all messed up. Luckily I have a special ergonomic stool that keeps most of the pressure off my back so I could lean over my drafting table to get work finished.

I was determined to do some kick ass artwork for the latest Exalted book. My post on Friday about the forums still lingered a bit and I’ve wanted to push myself more anyways. Funny enough, even with brutal back pain, I really pulled it together. Maybe the pain was a zen-like motivator, I don’t know. All I know is that this weekend I pulled off two of the strongest illustrations I’ve ever done. I showed Brian later in the evening… he approved them and was genuinely impressed. That felt good and gave me a chance to relax for the rest of the night.

I wish I could post the art here to show, but it’ll have to wait until the book’s in print. That’s one of the strangest things about freelance illustrating. People are constantly commenting on my “latest” work, even though it’s actually a few months old. By the time most of it sees print, I’m knee deep in all sorts of other things.

Taking an idea from the mighty ghostyo… I finally started to reread XXXXXXX from the very beginning so that I’d have it fresh on my mind. Next year, Udon’s releasing an XXXXXXXXXXXX after negotiating it back and forth for some time with XXXXXXXXX. It was tense for a while, but now that the contract is all wrapped up I’m super excited and can’t wait to tell people about it. Once the initial story arc has been approved and preview artwork is finished (probably mid January), then I can finally let everyone know. The fact that I’m in charge of the whole thing makes me giddy and terrified all at the same time.

Anyways, that’s the update.

I had a couple amazing days this week… balanced and productive. It’s Friday and I should be excited about the weekend and happy some of the major work humps have finally passed. Instead I woke up groggy and a bit irritated. A couple plans for today fell through and things just seem more annoying today.

I know it’s common for internet forum fandom to bitch and moan about things. It’s easier to rant and complain than to compliment. Things can be micro-shredded with critique far easier than deconstructed in a positive manner. Some Exalted fans complained about my artwork on a forum. No matter how you try to paint that differently or say it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, it stings anyways. I love Exalted and I’m proud to be part of the line.

Is my artwork where I want it to be? No.
Is it evolving? Yes.
Do I have the time to practice my skills as much as I’d like with Udon management, teaching and personal life craziness all colliding at once? Not a chance.

As a professional, you have to take fan criticism point-blank. Whether they praise you up or take a squat in your mouth, you’re supposed to grin and deal with it. Today, I’m not in the mood.

I know when I’ve done good stuff. I know when I’ve handed in stuff I wish I could take more time on. When I’m feeling particularly displeased with my artwork I start to feel like I’m at Udon riding the coat tails of better artists. I know in reality that’s not the case, but when doubt slams me hard I get that feeling and it really hurts.

Hilariously enough, I have artwork I’ve gotta get done this weekend. Part of me is motivated to kick the hell out of it. Part of me just wants to go back to bed and hit reset on today.

November’s ending already?

A few tough weeks behind me, a couple more still lay ahead. Tons of work has had me swamped, run me down and stressed me out. Schedules conflicting, people not able to do what they promised when they promised and clients wanting things faster than ever to make sure projects are done before the holidays.

Getting a nasty cold mid-week made it seem worse than it already was. It was that kind of cold that saps your strength and leaves you a sneezing, drippy mess. The strain of that and non-work stress building up too put some nasty pressure on my spine, leaving me to wonder yesterday if I was going to throw my back out again. I woke up a few minutes ago and it actually seems better so far. I’m hoping it stays that way.

Will projects get done? Yeah, we always find a way. It’s not even that every artist is filled to capacity, it’s just that certain artists are in demand and certain projects are more complex than they initially appeared. Juggling artist schedules along with my own would be much easier without the Christmas Crunch.

On the good sign of things, quite a few books are coming in. The Exalted: Fair Folk book turned out really nice and the latest comics Udon’s been doing look sharp. It looks like the Eternal Challenge translated art book will be out before Christmas too (here’s a review of the Japanese original). It may have been a huge headache, but I have to admit that I’m excited about seeing the final product.

Okay, gotta send out a swath of work e-mails to get Monday started off on the right foot.

Had a crazy experience this evening and wanted to type it down here. Leaving the school today, I headed to the parking lot to grab my car and enter the rush hour traffic smear that becomes Steeles Avenue at 5:00pm. With a batshit work schedule still kicking my ass, I was really tired and ready to spend an evening relaxing and not stressing about projects.

I get in the car, start the engine and get ready to back out of my parking spot… and then, I enter the Twilight Zone.
I grab the gearshift and realize it’s a different shape… the stick’s a manual and I drive an automatic.

Wait a sec… this isn’t my car.

An identical silver Cavalier was in the parking lot, 5 spaces away from mine. My key had worked on the door lock and started the engine. I’m in a stranger’s car with the engine running and looking out the front window I can see my own car just a handful of feet away. Carefully getting out, I locked the door behind me and headed to my own car.

When I sat down in my car and started the engine, I involuntarily shuddered… so surreal.

Hit a brick wall of work this past two weeks. It’s been kicking my butt and keeping me very, very busy. This morning I woke up and sifted through mail (ground mail, not e-mail) I’ve let pile up for the last little while as well as little organizational things around the apartment I normally do without thinking that have fallen by the wayside while I’ve been wrestling this tornado (that’s a bad metaphor).

Two of us volunteered to help my boss organize an art book that Udon’s translating and releasing here. By volunteer I mean that we put out fires that were erupting on the project. The book’s gonna be beautiful when it’s finally released, but I’ll be damned if it didn’t kick my ass. So many things to do and it’s still not done. We thought we’d wrap it up on Friday but here we are at Wednesday of the next week and it’s still going. Meanwhile, other projects have hit speed bumps and I’m trying to get my OWN artwork done as well as teach… who needs a social life?

Still, crunches like this inspire me a bit once the light at the end of the tunnel finally arrives. It’s not here yet, but I think I see it in the distance.

Spending all this time at Udon HQ gave me some good time to talk to my boss. Some depressing talk about industry trends and some hopeful future ideas. Nothing set in stone, just gonna wait and see.

Every fall/winter when the season’s shift I get a cold and/or my wisdom teeth decide they’re going to push against my gums and put me in agony. Woke up this morning with the mighty jaw ache, pulsing to the rhythm of my heartbeat. Now I’ve gotta try to avoid my typical Autumn cold as best I can. The easy answer would be to get my wisdom teeth pulled, but I have to wait for my dental plan at Seneca to kick in before that’s do-able. Well, that and the fact I’ve got no real time to be out of commission post-pull.

The war continues…

Strange sleep as of late. Sometimes incredibly deep to the point of ludicrous grogginess, other times very restless and unhelpful. Blar. Right now I feel too groggy to function, but my body is definitely awake and not willing to go back to bed.

Crunch time on a few projects will make this coming week pretty hectic. It’s not even artwork piling up that I need to get done, it’s editing and administrative stuff, making it far less creatively satisfying and kind of repetitive.

Those two paragraphs sounded complain-tastic. Let’s look at good things here…

I bought myself an iTrip to go with the iPod. Now I can broadcast my music on FM radio frequencies for about a 40-foot radius. It means I can use my iPod in the car or bring my music wirelessly to anywhere that has a radio. It’s been working great so far.

I dyed my hair dirty blond. Looks good, but isn’t so harsh that my roots will grow in and look stupid later on.

Got compliments on my latest Dungeon Magazine artwork from the Art Director. Paizo’s been a great source of work for us and I’m really glad to be contributing to the magazine almost every month.

Gonna try to balance work/play this weekend even with all that I have going on here. Make sure I’m productive, but not be trapped at the computer too long.

Politics are on everyone’s brain in the wake of the American election. Every artist, industry person and creative person I know was pretty dead set against Bush. I deal with so few people outside of that circle and it made me think that the US as a whole was frothing to get him out of office. It showed me how different Joe Average was thinking compared to the people I deal with. Not much more to say about it than that.

Yesterday gave me a scare that I’ve been having trouble shaking.

Driving to York, I was turning left when a red pickup truck came barreling up out of nowhere and through the yellow-red light. I slammed my foot onto the gas to make it through the intersection, as I was already too far to back up. Whizzing through the turn, I think he only missed me by a few feet. Other cars honked at him in anger as he sped along, but I was too stunned to even react.

As I drove on down the street, my heart was pounding so loud I could barely hear the radio and I felt light headed. A couple times afterwards I felt my stomach lurch and I wondered if I should pull over the car so I could throw up. A good twenty minutes later my hands were shaking. I have no idea why this particular close call felt so intense and it’s still on my mind.

We go about our lives, not often knowing that things can change on the turn of a dime. One day you’re kicking ass and the next you’re blind sided by a pick up truck and holed up in a hospital or worse.

Is that deep and meaningful? I don’t think so… it doesn’t mean that suddenly my life is wholly different and I’m going to live each moment like it’s the last. It’ll fade and I’ll take things for granted, just as we all do… and should. Just as you shouldn’t take it all for granted, you can’t get so paranoid as to let it get to you all the time.

But it did make me think. It made me think about what I want and who I care about. About what I’m striving for and the things I have worth appreciating. I guess it’s a weird internal Thanksgiving a couple weeks after the actual holiday meal.

I went to visit my parents on Friday and power down after a brutally stressful day working. At breakfast the next morning Dad and I were talking about the next vacation they’re planning. These past couple of years since Dad retired, they’ve been traveling all over the place. They’d never even been on an airplane until long after Joe and I were moved out of the house and now they’re flying and taking cruises all over the map.

I asked him when their traveling would slow down. I look at him and his hair’s almost all gray instead of the salt and pepper I remember as a kid. He looks content, spending time on little things around the house instead of teaching and raising two kids.

He smiled and said “Your Mother and I have to do these things while we’re still able to. After all, we’re not getting any younger.”

Simple, but true.