Concentrate

Posted by on April 6, 2004 No comments

Hit a strangely good stride today while drawing.

Started pounding out compositional roughs that will be interior illustrations for the Exalted book “Savant and Sorcerer”. The images are Tarot-esque, with gobs of symbolism and what-not in them. The first couple chicken scratch thumbnails took forever but as the day went on I got more confident with my gestural drawing and hit a pretty good pace. I can visualize how they’re going to come together in the final and I really want this to work out well.

Looking at how many pieces I have to do for the book before Gala and I take the drive down to Atlanta… It’s horribly intimidating, but exciting too.

In the art notes, Geoff (the Developer) wrote:
“An opportunity for artists who are into symbolism enough to understand that they need to use Exalted’s symbolism, or who are setting followers… if we have any of those (the cheerful dude from Udon strikes me as perhaps one of these people).”

So he sort of asked for me to do these pieces. I know I don’t have to, but it’s kind of a challenge and I want to meet it.

It’s easy for me to shy away from tough art assignments at Udon because I’m generally the one assigning them to people… other people. I can focus on art I like to do or subjects that interest me. I’ve given myself a few doozies, but even still.

These pics are going well. Roughed out 6 so far and want to rough out another 9 between now and tomorrow night. Even if they’re all approved, the tough part will really start… getting them all done full size and detailed.

The card game art that I feel really good about won’t be visible for many months. I want something to come out this summer that I can show people and say “I did that… and it’s pretty damn spiffy.” I have some pieces in the books that are good, but I have others that annoy me. I want these to really push my abilities. I want to get to the next plateau artistically.

I also want to spend some time with the lady before she’s gone for the summer. Aye, and that’s the rub.

Concentration.

Gotta balance these tasks against everything else and ride the keen edge between to victory. Wish me luck.


Oh yeah, Cornflake did this kick ass sketch of me while warming up today:

Jim from epic days of yore.

Crick In My Weekend…

Posted by on April 4, 2004 No comments

Slightly frustrating weekend, but overall okay.

Just before I went to go teach on Friday I pulled a muscle in my neck, leaving me in brutal pain through the weekend. It usually happens to me once or twice a year, taking me mostly out of commission and forcing me to wander around with my head in the locked, straight ahead position like some kind of robot.

Waking up on Saturday, I was sore, but determined to take some painkillers and go check out a matinee of the new Hellboy movie. Hellboy is a great comic, and the trailers looked amazing for this flick.

Overall, okay…probably would’ve enjoyed it more if I would have never read the comic before. I prefer the comic, where the Bureau goes to little spots in Eastern Europe or out of the way places to battle folklore, demons, ghosts and the occasional big threat… In comparison, the big city fight scenes, “Hellboy in the news” type stuff didn’t ever feel right to me.

Hellboy in the comic was a well read paranormal investigator who talks a bit like an old man half the time and can lay the smackdown on evil. Hellboy in the movie seemed like a big jock with a crush. Same thing with the villains: one note personalities with none of the dark flavor they had in the comic.

The high-tech facilities and romantic triangle didn’t feel like Mike Mignola’s HP Lovecraft meets Jack Kirby monster-style creation, you know?

Great visuals in the flick. Great FX. It was well directed too. That creature from the other world was amazing! It’s definitely a movie worth checking out

Even still, I’m disappointed. It was good, just not really the Hellboy I read and loved. The story deviated strangely from the source material, tuning out traits I loved about the characters instead of enhancing them.

I was hoping for quirky cool and got Hollywood heroes with some awesome Lovecraft inspired creature visuals. Oh well…

Got home from the movie and my neck was really, really hurting even though I’d kept it really well padded during the movie. Grabbed a nap and took some Advil. Gala and I were supposed to go to two different Birthday parties on Saturday night, but it just wasn’t do-able. With my neck throbbing, it would be irritating driving downtown Toronto and then just sitting in a corner wishing the pain would stop. That coupled with the fact that it was impossible for me to turn my head while driving to check my blind spots, and we figured it would be better to stay in.

Last night I chatted with Mike and Tanya about the pub gathering/memorial they had for Jordie. Seems an appropriate way to remember him. Really wished I could’ve been there to share the tears, smiles and drinks.

This morning I’ve got more range of motion, but am far from 100%. Gonna lay low until I’m back up to par and then do some social calls to friends, I think.

Not bad…

Posted by on March 30, 2004 No comments

Painted three cards in two days, all while juggling e-mails, phone calls and doing the dishes here at the apartment. Gotta try to keep the momentum, but it’ll be tough with teaching tomorrow and a pile of assignments to mark between now and then.

Lots of phone conversations today… my brother, Attila, Eric, Guy, Cornflake, Brian… all that chatter with the phone wedged at a strange angle between my neck and shoulder makes it a little sore tonight, but it was the only way to work while talking with them. I need to get one of those phone headset things. I kept losing my train of thought while talking with Flakie because ICQ windows kept popping up with work messages to distract me. I hate when people do that to me when I’m on the phone with them. I felt so guilty.

This week I still need to do more line art for cards, roughs for Savant & Sorcerer (Exalted book), coloring more pics and write my column for Comixpedia along with school-related prep and marking.

Several people have remarked lately that I may be a workaholic and that I’m not happy until my life is insane. I think it’s a strange compensation for all the times I slacked over the past few years, I don’t know. I slack now too from time to time, but when the 11th hour strikes the fire burns and I get the work done. Maybe it’s not flying colors, but I do the job, dammit. Now I just need to curb that frantic push at the end, make it the 10th hour instead 🙂

Okay, gotta stand up from the chair and stretch, then dive into the next chunk of work-age.

Summer is coming

Posted by on March 29, 2004 No comments

Busy. Not as busy as I should be, I think. Procrastinated a bit over the last bit and am feeling the crunchy now. My ability to get work done stalled badly after last week’s news about Jordie gave me another reason to put off tasks… mourning has a way of doing that. Trying not to dwell on it… hoping that it won’t keep aching at weird hours, but I know that it will for a while yet.

Finally did some more digital painting today for the Exalted card game. It’s been a while because of all the other drawing, administration and teaching stuff going on. Balancing the tasks ahead and still having some leisure time seems impossible, but I find myself wasting time on menial tasks instead of attacking full bore. Everyone else is so organized on their artwork thanks to me, and I fall behind or trip my way through it. Great example I set, I tell you.

After running around like crazy, looks like summer plans are solidifying for Gala. Almost 100% sure she’ll be at White Wolf as an intern this summer. It’s going to be a strange, strange season indeed. I’m really happy for her… it’s a great way for her to get experience in something she loves.

If all goes well, I’ll be at:

Toronto Comic-Con June 18th-20th in Toronto

Origins June 24th-27th in Columbus, Ohio

San Diego Comic-Con July 22nd-25th in San Diego, California

Wizard World Chicago August 13th-15th in Chicago, Illinois

Gen Con Indy August 19th-22nd in Indianapolis, Indiana

Canadian National Comic Expo August 27th-29th in Toronto

Dragon Con September 3rd-6th in Atlanta, Georgia

That should leave me exhausted and my liver useless come the Fall. Just rereading that schedule makes me realize that I probably won’t make it through that… what the Hell am I thinking?! I have to do artwork, project manage and teach in the midst of that madness.

Gala and I did some much needed clothes shopping on Sunday. Bought new pants, new shirts and a better phone. It was a bit of an escape and a confidence booster, just spending time together wandering and being playful.

More later,

Struck

Posted by on March 23, 2004 No comments

A close friend of mine named Jordie passed away last week and I just found out a couple hours ago.

Any other introductions I type would eventually wind their way to this point, so I thought I’d punch myself in the stomach and just start with it.

Tanya called to let me know. I hadn’t talked to her in years. She called the Operator in Toronto to find my number so she could let me know.

Let me know that Jordie had committed suicide. He hit his lowest point and hung himself.


Her voice was a trickle of vocal ups and downs punctuated with tears, then memories washed over me because Jordie’s really gone. Minutes later, my stomach’s tightening, my lips are going dry and the tears are welling up.

Adventures I had with Jordie… the kind of Zub Tales that I relish telling people from time to time, making them laugh until they cry. Tonight instead is big wracking sobs, sucking in the hurt until you feel like you’re going to burst.

Jordie and I turned Lake Louise upside down, we danced, we drank, we sometimes waxed philosophical. Staring out into the stars over that ski weekend, he told me to burn that sight of Banff into my mind and I did. It’s still right here…

I talked to him about my nerdy dreams in comics, animation and the RPG business. Funny when you look at what I’m doing now. Life grabbed me by the scruff of my neck, hurtled me around the country and I lost touch with him. Out of sight, out of mind… Some of you who read this probably feel the same way about communication with me now. Always busy or making excuses, never enough time for anyone or anything.

I don’t feel guilty about his decision to die. The pain cuts deep because I knew a great guy and shared his friendship for a while.

And now he’s gone. No double-tap punches, Ecstasy-laden raves or Strongbow will bring him back. Tanya and I used to worry that he would never settle down with a girl or slow down enough to appreciate the things around him. We were right.

You chose wrong, Jordie. But I salute you as the man I knew, not the one you became.

Quoth

Posted by on March 21, 2004 No comments

Quote from Gala today after I asked her to cut a croissant for me because I always smush them:

“It just takes a soft touch and a sharp knife. Like most things in life, actually…”

Posted by on March 15, 2004 No comments

Gala put in her two weeks at her job yesterday. The situation there had become pretty unbearable and given that she’s got other opportunities (I’m pretty sure she wants to wait and see if they go through before we say anything) coming up this summer anyways, she thought she’d just cut loose from the irritation now instead of prolonging the stupidity of it.

She seemed to want to vent to the manager about the problems, but was thinking better of it. I gave her my support on saying what she felt… I mean if you’re leaving anyways, you might as well tell them where the problems lie. It’s not like they would give her a glowing letter of recommendation at that point anyways. At least you stand up for yourself and say what you feel. So she did, they stonewalled her and didn’t listen to any of her concerns. Dropping her off at school this morning, she’s ultra-super-fantastico bitter about jobs, social interaction and life in general. I tried to joke about it to help her shake off the dark spot, but that almost combusted into an argument.

It’s weird that the good things that happen to me seem to drive a wedge into my relationships. I stumble a lot, but when good things happen, they tend to be sprinting swaths of momentum. Inadvertently, it just makes her more pessimistic seeing that contrasted with her own state. It ends up destructing any positive words I offer her because “Of course, that would work out for you.” or “It’s easy for you to say that, look at your life.”

I can’t help but have an inkling that Gala’s going to find something great and kick ass at it. It’s impossible to communicate that to her because I have no evidence, just a good feeling about it. Understandably, when I say “Better times are coming, babe.” I get sighs or “Maybe for you.”. I want to be there when she really blossoms fully into the person I see in our best private moments. I want it to happen now, sooner if possible.

But she’s got too much evidence to the contrary. If I talk about bad spots I’ve been in, it’s the past… she hasn’t seen it, so it’s hard for her to imagine me as the bitter bastard that defined me before. It’s even easier to dismiss that because I was in college; we’re both 27 now and she feels like she should have more accomplished instead of just being in University now. I feel the similar feelings about how good my art should be when I see 20 year olds draw circles around me. But at least I’m in an industry I love… she doesn’t have that yet.

What zen-like platitudes can you say to that? It’s obvious that the situation is raw, and will heal over time, but it’s frustrating having no recourse right now. Frustrating for me, far more so for her.

In other Zub-News…

Called my friend I mentioned in my last post… left a message on Thursday. When she phoned my cel later on Friday, I was in the middle of teaching and we decided to try a longer call this week instead. Figures.

Had a weird and wonderful meeting on Saturday night in downtown Toronto. Haven’t decided if I’m going to talk about it in my Livejournal yet… wanted to mark it down here though so at least I can look back and remember when it happened.

More possibly later,

Posted by on March 11, 2004 No comments

Jumble of things happening:

Double checked my junk mail before I deleted it and saw a message from an old friend I haven’t talked to in quite a while. It must’ve been accidentally filtered out by my settings… fixed that, then cracked open the message to read it and my brain spun.

She’s got breast cancer; two weeks ago they performed a mastectomy and removed her right breast. Next comes chemo and all the pain/ordeal that goes along with the recovery process. We were close, she was my girlfriend for a while… everything changes. Life sideswipes you and there’s surprises at every turn. It’s a mass e-mail to let people know what’s going on with her… her phone number is in there and I don’t know if I should call. What do you even say after something like that? I’ve gotta bite my lip and make the call… make sure she knows I got the message since it was sent over a week ago.

Unpacking things at the new place bit-by-bit while juggling work elements and trying to catch up on sleep at the same time. Smashed my index finger tip while building a new computer desk for Gal. Hurt like Hell for a bit and bled a bunch, but now it’s just annoying as I try to type with it.

Reached a good spot with Gala in the relationship. Financially, things have been good, but our budgeting and balancing of finances was weird… it was creating some strife between us and I came to the realization that we’re in this together and need to work together more, even in the tough financial area.

Which is why I’m cutting down on some of the frivolous spending. I hadn’t been spending like an idiot, but there were definitely moments where I’d buy things “just because” or be more impulsive than I should. I also won’t be doing the laser eye surgery at this point. I had my eyes checked and was ready to sign-up for the procedure… but even though we could afford it, it’s not a good use of our finances to fuel my vanity until we build up more first. If I’m gonna blow a few thousand on my eyes, there should probably be a vacation or something lined up for the Gal-ster in balance 🙂

Hoping I can get my convention plans solidified this week/next week. Hoping I can meet my art deadlines that are coming up now that I’m more settled in.

Gotta make that call today, check in and let someone know I’m thinking about them.

Groggy Jimmy

Posted by on March 8, 2004 No comments

Incredibly tired… Gala worked to close last night and is doing so again tonight, which means two nights in a row that I’ll be up until the wee hours. It wouldn’t be so bad except that Sunday morning we drove out early to the airport to meet up with Brian Glass for breakfast while he was on a stop over on his way to Montreal. Tomorrow morning will be another early riser getting Gal off to school. It’s running me down and I’m trying not to nod off before she calls me to pick her up. I’d rather fall to sleep exhausted than fall asleep and be woken up brutally by the phone ringing.

*RING*

Holy crap, she just called… damn good timing, cause I’m ready for bed.

I was going to tell everyone about budget thoughts, my laser eye surgery appointment and random other stuff.

I guess it’ll have to wait. It’s “pick up the girl from work and get some damn sleep” time!

Phone Tag

Posted by on March 3, 2004 No comments

Our phone service started 2 days late and the internet didn’t activate yesterday like it was supposed to. Finally, after a couple hours on the phone with the DSL people, they figured out that the problem was on their end, not mine. A couple hours later and my DSL is finally running.

I was so happy that I grabbed the phone to tell some friends that I’m online and settling in… only to realize that whatever they did to fix my DSL has now disconnected my phone service. No dial tone or sound, just dead air.

*sigh*

I’m betting that when my phone line gets fixed, I’ll find my internet out again. Crossing my fingers and hoping that isn’t the case though.