“Good morning to you, sir…”

I don’t know who “Mr. Goring” is or why a Polish lady leaves answering machine messages for me sometimes… who ever used to have my phone number apparently didn’t tell a lot of people what their new number was and/or got his number on a pile of call-lists. When I came back from Indianapolis there were 3 messages from that lady babbling away about something like she was having a full blown conversation with my recorder.

I know the ad agencies can’t read this, but maybe they can feel it through osmosis –

I don’t want the things you’re selling. Not newspaper subscriptions, aluminum siding, water filtration systems, grocery delivery services, free samples or anything else. I like my phone number. It’s easy to remember and it rolls off the tongue. Clients know to call it and I don’t want to change it. Don’t pollute my phone line with early Saturday morning phone calls that wake me up asking for a guy who hasn’t had this number for at least a year while you try to sell me stuff no one cares about.

If you have ever bought something through unsolicited phone call advertising – I place a tiny hex on you. You have helped keep these people in business. Tell your lonely grandparents who just want to talk to somebody (because their family ignores them now that they’re old) that buying from call center people is not the alternative. They’re just prolonging the gasping lifeline for a useless form of advertising created by heartless bastards.

This groggy public service message brought to you by Zub.

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